I remembered something that breaks my heart last night.

I'm not really sure why, but last night when I couldn't sleep I caught myself thinking about my dog from when I was a kid. Not my first dog, my second one. My mother had taken me to the shelter to look at dogs and as soon as I saw him I knew that was the dog for us. Eight year-olds know these things So we paid the license fees, okay mom did, and filled out the paperwork and Jake was ours. When we got home my brother decided he was scary. I snickered a little bit and with that evil smile only a child can smile I said two words to Jake. "Get him." I couldn't tell you if my brother remembers what happened, but as soon as I said it Jake was across the room and he bit my brother once, right on the ass.

My mom couldn't be mad at the dog. I'd told him to do it, all he did was listen. That was Jake, always eager to do what we asked.

We had him for eleven years. When I was nineteen Jake got very sick. He had trouble getting up and sometimes he would sneeze blood. One day, as I walked in the door from work my mom and brother told me it was time.

Jake was just too sick, it had been months coming. We needed to put him down. My brother and I sat in the back of the car with him on the short ride to the vet. He sneezed the whole ride. The vet explained to us exactly what was going to happen. After we got Jake up on the table he started trying to stand. My brother and step-father helped keep him laying down as I sat in the corner, blank-faced and watching.

I'd be lying if I tell you I can remember anything about the next twenty minutes other then that when my family all shuffled back to the car I said I'd prefer to walk. It was only about three minutes from home anyway.

I didn't head home, I walked about a block in the other direction and sat down in a patch of grass by the roadside. While I was walking I phoned my best friend. Not thinking about the time I interrupted his family dinner. I apologized as well as I could and told him I'd talk to him later. That was when I found the patch of grass.

I couldn't have been sitting longer then two minutes when it started to rain. What else could I do? I laughed. I laughed until I cried. I'm not really sure how long it was, but my friend called back. I pulled myself together and answered the phone. He asked what was wrong. "We just put Jake down. I'm still covered with the blood he sneezed up." Then I cried some more. He asked where I was and I told him.

When he pulled up I told him I'd walk home, so I didn't soak his seat of his car with my wet clothes. He was having none of that. He told me to get in

Five years later and thinking about that day still breaks my heart a little. The same way sixteen years later it still makes me smile thinking about Jake darting across the room to bite my brother on the ass to impress me.

-James

EDITED: To add the final two sentances and signature, which were cut off when the post was e-mailed.